In my previous post, I stated how well things were going and that I was down to 208 pounds. Not two days after that, my patience was tested.

For some reason, I went up two pounds to 210 in one day. I track all my eating and looking back on that day, I had eaten well. Nothing out of the ordinary. I was on my plan. But for some reason, I went up two pounds.

I was okay, I figured it was just an anomaly and it would quickly fix itself as long as I stayed on track. I was wrong. I went even higher up to 212 the net couple of days.

Are you kidding me? I am doing everything right and my weight is increasing. This was testing me. Am I gonna freak out, get angry and give up? Or am I going to keep going on and trust that it will work out. Honestly, my thoughts went back and forth between those two things. But in the end, I stayed calm and patient.

As of today, I am back to 209. Still needing lots of patience since I am not even back to where I was two weeks ago. But I am good.

So my question is, was God behind this testing or was it just something that happened? I guess I do not really know the answer to that, but I do know this… God is using this time to help me grow (I mean spiritually, not physically).

My prayer for a long time has been to take my desire to eat away. I would much rather be in a place where I had to eat rather that constantly wanting to eat. I fear, though, that this is my “Thorn in the flesh” that I will have to deal with the rest of my life. Right now, I am at peace with that and this recent testing helped a lot.

I have the rest of my life to lose the weight. My battle is not the weight, but the control food has over me. Only God should have that kind of control. The weight loss is simply a side effect.

My weight loss journey has had a couple of great weeks. God has really blessed me with control and weight loss.

Two Sunday’s ago was the Super Bowl. We had some family in town and we spent the day at my brother’s house. Of course, Super Bowl means lots of good food (though, usually not good for losing weight) and our day was no exception. However, with the help of my wife, I took several food items for myself to eat and that made the day very good. I had plenty to eat, was able to keep myself from eating the bad stuff, and stayed on my plan. I was actually down in weight the next day!

Since that time, things have been rocking. Pounds have come off and I have been blessed with lots of control. This morning I weighed in at 208.

This past Sunday I was dealing with a cold and lost all sense of smell and taste. When you cannot enjoy the taste of food, it really shows you how much of your eating is driven by hunger and how much is driven by the desire to eat. All day long I had no desire to eat since I could not taste. All day I only ate pretzels, crackers and a little soup. I did not eat because I wanted to, only because I was very hungry and had to eat something. If someone wanted to create a magic weight loss pill, just make one that takes away your senses of taste and smell. That is some of the easiest dieting I have ever done.

I thank God for his continued faithfulness to me.

Since recommitting two weeks ago to my weight loss, I have done really well. I feel like I have been doing what I committed to.

One thing I have been kicking around in my head is this idea of only eating when I am hungry. For most people, it is easy to decide if you are hungry or not. For me, it really takes a lot to know. Sometimes I wonder if I can will myself into feeling hungry just so I get to eat! I am really going to have to focus on my hunger and be able to honestly determine if I am really hungry or not.

A big battle in this is what I call preemptive eating. Many nights during the week I have things to do. The thought goes through my head before leaving for these things that I should eat something now (even if I am not hungry) because I will not get to eat later (I don’t eat after 8:00). It is such a hard battle to not do that. It means risking being hungry when I get home and cannot eat because it is after 8:00.

As for the weight coming off, I was at 219 last time I wrote. During the two weeks I have been as low as 211, but this morning I was at 214. Cannot tell you how frustrating that is, but I will okay. Keep doing the right thing and it will come off.

It has been almost a year and half since I last wrote a bulletin article. We discontinued the articles in our bulletin so I just stopped writing since.

My last article said my weight was at 196. I had gotten as low as 192 back in 2008. I am ashamed to say, over 2009 and into 2010, what I told myself would never happen, has happened. I have let my weight creep back up. Last Sunday morning I saw 219 on the scale.

I feel horrible. It is not that I have given up. Practically every week of the year and half I have worked to lose. However, there have just been too many compromises. To many little things here and there. And of course, the holidays, I just turned the whole thing off and let myself go.

I hate where I am at. The journey again seems formidable. Losing this weight, again, will be difficult. I am not happy with myself. I have not honored my commitment to God.

I think I am ready, though. Ready to recommit to God on this. Here it is…

Father, I will only eat when I am hungry. When I do eat, it will be the right thing in the right amount. I commit to you to not compromise anymore. With this commitment to You, I acknowledge that when I do not do this, I am sinning against You. Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness to me.

On top of this commitment, I am committing to start writing my bulletin article again every other week. Except now it will be on this blog. As you can read in the “About” section…

Back in October of 2005, I began writing a bi-weekly bulletin article for the church I work for. I simply titled it, “My Journey”. It was a short writing every other week with my thoughts, struggles and observations. I did not guarantee answers or solutions. The bulletin was redesigned in 2008 and my article space went away.

This blog is a continuation.

I have posted all my bulletin articles from the past as well.

Thanks for sharing.

My weight loss journey has had a couple of great weeks. As I have said before, the less you have to lose, the longer it takes to get it off, so patience has been vital.

It seems that I am losing about a pound a week. Way back when I had a lot more to lose, I could lose that much in a day, so it is an adjustment to not see the weight melt off. So, on my way to 180 pounds, I am currently at 196.

I have been trying to figure out what has been different the past couple of weeks. All I can think of is I have felt more relaxed and less uptight about my weight loss.

Before, I would feel stress and pressure when the scale was not going down. I feel like I have done a good job with giving that up to God. I do my part, and He will do his. I know God has His time for my weight loss and I have just finally accepted that. Though, I do struggle sometimes with that acceptance, I know God is working for me in my best interest to not only lose weight, but to grow closer to Him.

I have been a bit timid lately writing about my weight loss journey. I don’t want to sound like I am whining and kinda feel like I am going over the same things again and again. I have been blessed with a HUGE weight loss and for that I am very appreciative. However, I am not done.

Ever since returning from our vacation, I have been hovering around 200, spending most of the time at or above. I keep compromising on what I know I need to do to lose the 20 pounds. I keep telling myself I will get serious again tomorrow.

That, of course, has been a horrible cycle of determination, weakness, and then guilt. For a couple of weeks now this has been the cycle. It has not been fun and is for sure a regression back to a place I have been before.

So, starting last Tuesday, I am again determined to break that cycle. I want to live in determination and drop the other two. I am realistic though, I know I will have the other two sometimes, but if I am able to keep enough time between them, the weight will come off. And, of course, God has to be a huge part of it.

When my wife was pregnant with our second child, Michael, I wondered how in the world I could love this kid as much as my first child. I guess at the time I did not understand that love is bottomless. I did not have to divide the love I had, I got to multiply it!

When Michael was born, he taught me about God and His love for us. It is endless and we do not have to do anything to get it. He gives it to us simply because we are His!

Michael is one cool kid. He is hardly anything like me. He loves to entertain and be the center of attention. He loves to make people laugh. He really likes to sing and does it often. He can spend hours alone but loves being with people too. He is smart and picks up on things unbelievably fast. He is very loving and affectionate. He cares about others and prays for them every night.

It amazes me how much I have learned from my children and from being a Dad. I thank God for Michael Mashburn.

As I wrote last time, we went out of town for a family trip last week (you can read about it at www.craigmashburn.com). I got my weight down to 193 before leaving knowing that I would put some on during my trip. Did I ever.

I don’t feel like I ever just went crazy and pigged out. In fact, I hardly ever ate between meals. My downfall was what I ate at those meals. Three times a day, I ate high calorie meals. I never once chose well. I knew I would not. I went in knowing that this is vacation and I am going to splurge on my food intake. I gained around 10 pounds. Unbelievable how quickly I can put it on!

I am still back and forth whether this is okay or not. Being a food addict, is it okay to spend a week eating badly? Most people would think it is fine and I am kinda leaning that direction. As long as it is not the start of a downward spiral (or maybe that should be upward spiral).

For me, it was not. The day I came back I was right back on the weight loss program. I have already lost 4-5 pounds of what I gained.

Getting down to 180 is going to be very hard. The only way I can do it is with God’s help.

If you have read this column before, you know I have been struggling to lose 20 pounds for quite some time now. I have been hovering at 197 (wanting to get to 180). About a week ago, I realized that our family trip was coming up in two weeks.

From experience, I know I will put some weight on while traveling. I have gone on several trips with grand plans of maintaining my weight, even had times I thought I did well. But every time, I come back with plenty of weight gain. Being out of my routine and not eating at home just messes me up.

So a week ago, I decided I really needed to lose some weight before leaving. I did not want to come home being over 200 pounds again. And what do you know? That has been a great motivation to me. Today I was at 194 (5 days before leaving) and surely I can lose a couple more before we depart.

Once again I am going to try my best to maintain my weight while gone, but I won’t make any promises.

By the way, if you want to read about our trip, I post to a blog while traveling. By the time you read this we will be halfway through, but the site is www.craigmashburn.com.

Last Sunday night, I went to bed with a headache. Typically, sleep will take care of it and when I wake up, it will be gone. Sunday night was different. I woke up early Monday morning and my head was still pounding. I decided to act by doing four things.

First, I went and drank a bottle of water. Headaches can sometimes be caused by dehydration. Second, I took some Excedrin. Headaches are from swollen blood vessels in my head, Excedrin has aspirin which is a blood thinner and caffeine which helps restrict blood vessels. Third, my headaches are always on one side or the other of my head, so I decided to sleep on the opposite site with the idea it would help pull blood away from the painful area. Fourth, I prayed that God would take it away.

I woke up again maybe only an hour later and my headache was gone. So my question is, what do I do with that? Did God heal my headache or did one of the other three things do it? Now the typical thing to say is God healed it and he may have used one (or several) of the other things to do it. That is fine but my first thought went to if I had a lack of faith by not relying only on the miraculous power of God.

After wrestling with this for awhile, I realized my faith was not in how he was going to heal it, but whether I believed He would heal it with whatever means. It came down to the fact that I don’t care how it was healed. All I know is that I asked God for it and it happened. So God gets the credit and the glory. What will I do next headache? Probably all the same things, but especially the prayer.