Couple of significant things going on in my life right now…
One is baseball season. I am coaching Stephen’s baseball team. This is significant because I cannot stand to coach, yet, I cannot stand NOT to coach. I love coaching baseball. I really love getting to be involved with Stephen in this way and enjoy getting to know the other kids. I also really love being part of the game. What I do not like about coaching is that I feel totally inadequate. I do not know enough and I fear letting down the 11 kids on my team and their families.
The other significant thing right now is my truck. Last week I went out to check our practice field to see if we could practice (It at rained/snowed the night before). Things looked good until I drove on the dirt road and my truck sunk in the mud. Not wanting to pay for a tow truck to drag it out, we worked for an hour (Stephen was out pushing) to try and get it it out. About 25 feet from being out, something broke in the transmission and it would no longer go into gear. Now, not only did I have to get a tow truck, I am now looking down the barrel of paying to get my transmission fixed. By the way, car problems are one of those things I always struggle having peace with. Not only because of the costs, but also the inconvenience.
So now, I have two things to keep me awake at night. You cannot believe how much baseball can consume my mind at night. Things we need to work on. Things I need to remember to teach them. How to deal with certain situations. And on and on. These things will even invade my dreams! Sometimes I wake up and half asleep I think about them.
Course, the truck repairs are also worrisome. How much will it cost? When will it be completed? Where will the money come from? What will we have to give up to pay for it?
Monday night I found myself not wanting to go to bed. I purposefully stayed up late (little after midnight) watching TV to make sure I was very sleepy when I went to bed. It helped, but that is not really a long term solution, is it?
So is all this worrying helping anything? Is it solving anything? Of course not. This worry is caused by not trusting God enough. I know in my head that I can trust Him. He has proved it over and over and over. I just need to let the trust infiltrate my heart.